A few weeks later, a doctor revealed his prognosis that this was a permanent injury and chances of walking again were unlikely. I never understood the expression, "the whole world crumbling to pieces" until that moment. It was so surreal. Admittedly, some of my hope and confidence of regaining feeling in my legs faltered that day. Those were a rough few weeks for me afterwards, to say the least. I cried and cried. Those were moments of great despair, loneliness, and helplessness. I didn't know what to do. The only thing I could do was turn to my comforter, my loving God. I remember many long conversations in that hospital room. I knew He understood exactly what I was feeling. He had sent His son to suffer even more for me. He had a plan for me and I had to trust that even though this seemed like an overwhelming burden to bear, everything will turn out OK, little by little. It was the trust in God's plan for me that saw me through to find solace and strength to move on...
God helped me trade my sorrows for a positive attitude. Paralysis was here to stay [at least for a while]. Dwelling on the "Why me" wasn't going to help with anything. There was still so much to live for and so many things I want do with my life - I needed to keep my head up and look towards those things. With God and my family by my side, I could do it. It took little steps at a time. I began by learning new ways to get dressed in the morning, then learning to scoot myself from place to place, then pushing myself up little hills, then making my own meals, to where I could perform daily tasks in my wheelchair all on my own. Eventually, I built up enough confidence to go back to school. I learned to overcome cognitive and physical limitations caused by taking necessary medications, and pushed myself through my courses. I worked towards my goal of making a difference in the world by volunteering and serving others. Little by little, life became more manageable. And little by little, I came to believe that I could live life to its fullest.
Meanwhile, I continued physical therapy to stay healthy and try to regain as much back as possible in that first year as doctors recommended. When nothing happened from months of physical therapy, not even a spasm, I was not discouraged. I kept living life and doing the things I loved. I haven't lost hope that something miraculous would happen (Never lose hope) and continue to follow the fascinating research of spinal cord regeneration. Little by little they were making progress. I was thrilled to read recently about a procedure with epidural stimulation that worked for 4 men with paralysis of over 4 years (like me). In this study, the health of these men increased dramatically and they were able to regain movement in their legs. I am hopeful that my life could improve because of this and I'm seriously, wonderfully excited. Imagine how much quicker and more efficiently I could do things with baby in one arm instead of having both arms tied from holding baby and wheeling. God is great. He blesses us with intelligence to discover new ways to improve our lives in so many ways. Cures to diseases, new medical procedures and technology, better foods, increased life span, etc. Why not paralysis? The possibilities are endless from here.
Friends, this has been an amazing journey thus far. I've learned much and continue to learn about myself and how to be a mom and wife each day, little by little. I'm so grateful for this discovery and I hope it continues. I ask for your support in the process as I'll be doing extensive reaching out to those involved in this case study and trying to sign up somehow. Anything you come across will be great. Remember, never give up.